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11/11/2010

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How will I be vulnerable today? By sending you a separate e-mail about the fact that we seem very disconnected these days.

What a good subject. The video is excellent and I shared it on my Facebook profile. Thank you. It is tough being open and vulnerable. I have gotten better with this over the years but I have a long way to go. My personality is categorically male, and traditionally not easy for me. Being open is uncomfortable but not as uncomfortable as being authentic. I can remember times I tried to be open, but I was really just dumping on the other unfortunate person to make myself feel better, or something. I suppose there is a time and place for that however, therapy might be the better place to start. There is a fine balance between dumping and with being authentic while also being a respecter of persons. It has to be done, I suppose, with time, with trust, and with a regard for the person you share with. And, there must be a realization that the other person may not care or be in the position to understand, and that is ok. Being authentic is something I am learning to be more and more each day. I don’t have to be deeply open with everyone, but I can truly try to be myself while respecting others as they are being themselves. What hurts, is that some people whom I care about the most don’t like me for who I am. The more and more I am myself, the more I am not the person they want me to be. Sure, that might be a pointed statement but it is something we might all have to resign to. As we each work towards growth, and a direction that is designed for each of us individually (and that means shedding some things), not everyone will appreciate those changes. As we change while living authentically, it is important to continue to get feedback from valid outside sources, such as a professional counselor or therapist or wise friend. They can look inside our Johari Windows and guide us through the things we cannot see, and to hopefully keep us from following our tangents. As we strive to be authentic, and I must remind myself this, it is to be done with a love, a caring sensitivity, with safe boundaries, all while looking face on to the fears of the unknown. How am I going to be vulnerable today? I am going to love, and try to love unconditionally.

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