I'm using the photo above to demonstrate what Excruciating Vulnerability is not. Obviously, Santa has gone a wee bit over the top when it comes to authentically expressing himself and being transparent with others. And while this image is meant to illicit laughs, it's no laughing matter that so many us feel unable to express ourselves in an open and honest way with others. I struggle with this myself in certain areas of my life still and I know I'm becoming more courageous to say the things I want and need to say.
It's an easier said than done kind of thing. We say we want others to know how we really feel and yet more often than not, we don't follow through and actually do it. We don't say what we really want to say. We hold back. We hide out. We give hints, but hell no, we aren't going to say everything we want to because to be that vulnerable is excruciating or embarrassing or exposing just too damn much of ourselves. But what if we looked at being genuine and real differently? What if we thought of excruciating vulnerability as exciting and exhilarating and emancipating?
What if the thing that freaks us out (name whatever fear it is) is the very thing that frees us?
If you haven't clicked on the link in the first paragraph above yet, please do and watch the entire twenty minute Ted talk with Brene Brown. (A word of warning to those who are not yet familiar with Ted...you can spend all day watching videos of amazing speakers with brilliant and beautiful messages and ideas. This would not be a bad thing, actually, as you might discover just listening to what others have to say is a day well spent.) It was Brene's video that inspired me to write this post. Her passion for being courageous, authentic and transparent resonates with mine in a big way and reminds me to keep being the change I want to see in the world. I'm going to reach out to her and to Regina Perata and Colleen Wainwright and let them know I appreciate their willingness to be transparent and to be seen.
Transparency is a growing edge for me. I don't share as much as I'd like to sometimes because I'm scared of what people will think. Despite my propensity to share personal things and partake in risky adventures, there is just some stuff I don't want to stir up. I don't want to rock the boat (change the status quo) or sail a new ship (create something entirely new and unknown). What that really means is in some situations, "I'm not willing to risk being who I really am with you" and that truth makes me feel incredibly frustrated and terribly sad.
I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I wholeheartedly believe it's imperative that we can be who we really are and to share our truth as we know it with others. Yes, excruciating vulnerability is scary and it is what we need to do to grow ourselves, to help others and to make our world a safer and healthier place. To see and be seen by another. To love and be loved by another. This is what we're here to experience. This is it.
How will you be vulnerable today?