Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds. You Do!

by Lisa on March 4, 2009


“Time heals all wounds.”

Do you remember the first time someone used that expression with you?  Perhaps it was when you first experienced a broken heart in your early youth or late teens and your mother or father tried to comfort and gently persuade you to accept this well-used cliche. Or perhaps it was introduced to you as the closing remarks your loved one made just after he or she broke up with you. Regardless of when it happened, think back to a time when you were genuinely hurt by the ending of a romantic relationship. More than likely, it was not only difficult to imagine right then what life was going to be like without that person around any longer, but to believe that the mere passing of time would be the miracle cure to end your heart’s suffering. 

Fast-forward a few years.  You’re no longer an angst-filled teenager, but a responsible adult who’s capable of having a mature romance. You’ve had a few relationships that didn’t necessarily have a happy ending and you’ve learned from your experiences and you’ve moved on and you’re seeing other people and you know something….time really does heal all wounds. Let’s stop fooling ourselves right there!

Time is not the master healer.  While it can lessen the pain and bring new perspectives, the mere ticking of the clock will not close the wounds.  What stops the bleeding and allows one’s heart to heal?  We do.  When we take full responsibility for our choices and we’re completely honest with ourselves, we are the ultimate healers of what hurts us. Does it take more time for some people to heal their hearts and less time for others?  Absolutely, and that’s why the ol’ cliche just isn’t true.  It’s not about the passing of time, it’s about the process and each person’s process is unique and according to their own schedule.  Your heart will heal only when you’re ready and willing to do the work that’s necessary. 

What are your thoughts about the expresssion “time heals all wounds”? I believe what I’ve just said above is true and yet, one of the things I find frustrating at times is honoring and respecting another person’s healing process. Obviously that means I’m still doing my own work around the relationship with this previous partner of mine, otherwise it wouldn’t bug me as much as it does. Damnit.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Donna May 20, 2009 at 8:47 am

Here is my thought process as I finished reading this: “Maybe it’s not time, maybe it’s awareness, or forgiveness, or letting go, or moving on, or love.” I suspect it’s a mixture of all of the above, with the emphasis on LOVE. This reminds me of a story I put on my blog a couple of months ago http://www.donnaonthebeach.com/blog/index.php/2009/03/19/a-beautiful-heart/ – think you might enjoy it!
Anyway, back to your question, my 105 year old self tells me that we ‘youngsters’ are far too impatient, and time does heal all wounds…eventually!


Barbara Roberts January 10, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Hi Lisa and All,
This is the first time I have responded to a blog. It is also the first time that I have had my heart broken and I’m 43 not a teenager! I do not have parents to reassure me that it will be o.k. but I do have a few friends including you Lisa. Thank you Lisa for your friendship, love, and spirit. Thank you Donna for your posting too. Perhaps that is what I did was to find the courage to give a piece of my heart away. To be vulnerable. This is not an easy task in this world of ours. How am I healing well, I am doing it my way. A good friend of mine shared that long ago he was having a difficulty with his 3 year old daughter. He was trying to get her to do something she didn’t want to do and she came out with the statement. “I do it how I do it.” It made an impression with my friend and he had enough wisdom to respect his 3-year old and even share it with me his friend 20 something years later. So…I am doing it how I do it. And anyone that respects our process is worth having for a friend. Thanks for listening!


Lisa January 12, 2010 at 3:23 pm

“I do it how I do it.” Wise words from a 3 year old. I honor your grieving and healing process, Barbara. With time, this experience will be transformed into something beautiful to be remembered. Much love to you!


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